


Told You (I'm Not a Stripper)

by AnimeYaoiFangirl100



Series: did someone mention a restaurant? [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Attraction, Confusion, Gai is a gentlemen kinda, Gen, Hidan has bad language, Kakashi thinks he's a genius but his friends don't always think so, Laughter, M/M, Swearing, The Akatsuki is the waitstaff, The Uchiha Apocalypse, Yahiko might as well be a den mother btw, Yahiko thinks Kakashi is a pervert, did I mention tagging is hard, greeter!Konan, his friends also think he's crazy, kakashi has bad friends, mentions of other relationships, one dollar bills, only slightly though, restaurant, stripper?, they laugh at him, why does it have to be so hard to tag things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 14:22:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5589457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnimeYaoiFangirl100/pseuds/AnimeYaoiFangirl100
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm 99% sure that he's a stripper."<br/><br/>The statement left all three of his friends just staring at him in silence for a moment, the conversations of neighboring tables and the clamor from inside the kitchen making up for it. At least, before Gai opened his mouth and the conversation rushed back faster than it left. </p><p>/~/</p><p>In which Kakashi is very confident in his skills of assumption, which turn out to be horribly wrong and, in the end, is mortified and can probably never, ever show himself in this establishment ever again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Told You (I'm Not a Stripper)

Despite Kakashi being a genius, he clearly wasn't smart enough to find better friends.  
  
It's not that he didn't like them, nor was it that they were stupid(mostly). It was just because he didn't want to talk about girls all the time and certainly not about the girl that he worked with. He didn't regret getting the job, and his colleague was nice, but he did regret telling his so-called best friends about her. It was one of his biggest mistakes to date.  
  
"Is she cute? What's her personality? Does she have a boyfriend?" Sadly, Kakashi didn't see all these questions coming. He sighed, blinking at the brown haired man at his side.  
  
"Why do you even care, Asuma?" The young man huffed. They were almost at their destination; Kakashi could see the distinctive red and white cloud that marked the restaurant. Kakashi had seen it many times before, but had never actually went in. Gai, who happened to be in the lead at the moment, was the only one who had been there and seemed to swear the food was like a gift to mankind. The grey eyed man didn't buy it, but he would find out for himself soon enough.  
  
Asuma just grinned at him, giving him a slap on the back that left him stumbling and therefore drawing a laugh from the fourth member of their party. Tenzo smiled at him apologetically in return, and they descended into silence while they quickly rushed to the black building to avoid the wind. Well, mostly quiet, seeing as Gai couldn't help but praise the winds for bringing the wonderful scent of food to their youthful noses(yet again Kakashi had to wonder how he got stuck with these kinds of people).  
  
The building was packed, with very few free tables left. The young woman that greeted them at the door simply smiled at them; her amber eyes striking against her pale skin and strands of blue hair that fell loose from a messy bun at the top of her head. They followed her through rows of tables and chattering people only to be sat at a table that just so happened to be right next to the door that led to the kitchen, if his nose could be counted on.  
  
"Sorry, but this is the only clean table to have fit for four." She said as they sat, her hands moving as she spoke as if she wasn't used to standing still. Her lips curled into a smile and Kakashi's eyes noted the small gleam of a metal stud against the flesh. "Here's a fair warning, the wall is a little flimsy around this area, so I'm sorry if you get interrupted by the other employees. If they bother you, just yell at me, and I'll go get them to quiet down for you." She tilted her head as she smiled, giving twin thumbs-up. "Just look at the bright side, you'll get your food relatively quickly and have better service. Plus, the bathroom's are just around that corner." She gave a small inclination of her head, something akin to a respective bow. "Your waiter will be with you momentarily."  
  
"Wait, madam!" Gai exclaimed before she could leave and Kakashi couldn't help but give a groan, just as Asuma pinched the bridge of his nose. Gai was always like this, too open and friendly and the greeter didn't seem to mind as she turned back around, but she was probably just doing her job.  
  
"Is there something I could do for you?" Her voice was soft but confident, and the grey eyed man couldn't help but look her up and down. Attractive, he supposed, but not his type. Not his type at all. Though he could feel eyes on him and he turned, meeting Tenzo's gaze from across the table.  
  
"You said to yell at you should we have any problems," Gai started, but didn't get to say anymore before the woman's brow furrowed.  
  
"Is there a problem already?"  
  
"No! I just meant, how am I to yell at you if I don't know your name? Not like I'd yell at a young maiden such as yourself anyway, but, if I were, how could I?"  
  
"Oh." She said, blinking in surprise and Kakashi honestly didn't know how to take this. Why was Gai so dramatic? Young maiden? Please, this woman could probably sweep him off his feet, and not in a good way.  
  
"I'm Konan." She said with a satisfied nod, as if that settled everything. "If you don't feel like yelling, just flag me down before one of you get your ears chewed off by the other staff." Then she turned and walked off, but not without Kakashi noticing the amusement twisting her lips.  
  
"What was that about, Gai?" Tenzo asked as they sat, pulling out the menus that were already set out for them. "It's not like you to go looking for girls."  
  
"And what was with that 'young maiden' stuff?"  
  
"All women love a compliment." Gai said seriously, beaming at the three of them. "Besides, I wasn't looking for me. After all, even though love is just another competition to be won, I'm willing to give the upper hand to Kakashi this time."  
  
"How do you even think that love is a competition?" Kakashi asked dryly. The question went ignored, but the answer he would have received probably would have been stupid anyway(because it probably would have been from Gai and been about youth for some reason).  
  
"Ah, I see. You were trying to get her name to help Kakashi out." Asuma slapped his palm against Kakashi's shoulder again, making the silver haired man frown at him. "But shouldn't you already know her name since you've been here before? You could've just told us."  
  
"I've never seen her before in my life." Gai said seriously, nodding as if that was the solution to all things. "But she's attractive and if I have ever seen her, I would have remembered it."  
  
Kakashi shared looks with both Asuma and Tenzo, because they all knew how bad Gai was at remembering things. He tried to remember everything, but most of the time he didn't. Sometimes it was sad, because Gai was only in his twenties and still in his prime, but, other times, it was amusing because he forgot where he put something(or did something that his friends would bring up at a later date, to the dark haired mans horror).  
  
"If she's so attractive, you take her." Kakashi muttered, slumping in his seat. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate his friends, he just didn't want his love life to be the sole topic of this outing.  
  
"Because, if you do remember, I happen to be a taken man." Gai beamed again.  
  
"But I thought you and Anko weren't official?"  
  
"That's what she says now, but just you wait! Soon she'll see my wonderful qualities and then realize that she's fallen for me. Completely and utterly."  
  
"Where's that waiter?" Kakashi asked Asuma, turning his head to face his friend who just shrugged.  
  
"Who cares? They'll get here eventually. I want to know more about this girl that you work with. What did you say her name was? Rin?"  
  
"Don't you and Kurenai have some kind of connection?" Kakashi countered, trying to steer the conversation away from him. Again. "So maybe you shouldn't be trying to focus on other women."  
  
"I'm not looking for me." The brunette said with a wink and Kakashi frowned. If this kept up, he was going to get lines.  
  
"Do you all forget that women aren't the only ones that interest me?"  
  
"Oh, we know." Asuma said seriously. "But, seeing as you never told us anything about what kind of person you like, we're stuck grasping at the straws we like. They just happen to be women because none of us are gay."  
  
"Fair enough."  
  
"Is there anything that you care to share about this new friend of yours?"  
  
"She's nice enough." Kakashi said with a sigh, giving up because he didn't know what else to do. "She's sweet and everything, but she has odd tastes."  
  
"What do you mean, Kakashi?" Tenzo asked, tilting his head to the side and looking at the silver haired man through wide eyes.  
  
"She has this crazy friend that always seems to be in there when she's working." He said, pursing his lips at the mention of said crazy person. To be honest, he only knew the guy because Rin used his name often enough. "And even when she's not working. Sometimes it's when I'm working and that's worse."  
  
"How is it worse?"  
  
"I'm 99% sure that he's a stripper."  
  
The statement left all three of his friends just staring at him in silence for a moment, the conversations of neighboring tables and the clamor from inside the kitchen making up for it. At least, before Gai opened his mouth and the conversation rushed back faster than it left.  
  
"Is he her boyfriend?"  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"How can you be sure?"  
  
"I haven't known her for long, but I think she's classy enough to stay away from strippers."  
  
"Ah." Tenzo said after a moment. "Just like you're classy enough to stay away from porn, right?"  
  
To prove that he was a smart person, Kakashi stayed silent. It had nothing to do with the fact that he had nothing to say to that statement. It was not porn. It was expressive reading and it was clearly not for everyone(the fools).  
  
"Anyway," Asuma started, breaking the silence once again and not letting the subject go, "Why do you think he's a stripper?" At least they weren't still on about getting him a date. Talking about that Obito brat was better than that, even if he was annoying(and only slightly amusing).  
  
"He comes in and always pays in ones." Kakashi said simply. "One day he gave me 54 of them right when I was about to get off work."  
  
"He could be a waiter." Tenzo suggested, frowning at the menu in front of him and then closing it.  
  
"He tried that excuse. That's too many ones for him to be a waiter. My money is placed on stripper. Speaking of, where is our waiter? I haven't even seen one even come close to stopping despite them going passed us every minute they can."  
  
"Now you're just being irritable." Asuma chided.  
  
"I'm hungry." The silver haired man sulked. "I already know what I'm going to order too."  
  
"It does seem to be pretty busy today." Gai said, "It can't be easy dealing with this many people and they don't seem to have a large staff."  
  
"If they don't have a large staff, how do you not remember that blue-haired woman that greeted us?"  
  
"Her name was Konan and she must have had the day off."  
  
"All fifteen of them?"  
  
Suddenly, before Gai could say anything to defend himself, a crash sounded through the wall right behind them. It was loud enough to bring all conversation to a halt, not only from them but from all of the others seated in the same section who all seemed to have thought that the foursome was to blame, seeing as they shot glares until they realized nobody at their table had caused the ruckus.  
  
"Fuck off!" A loud voice exclaimed and almost immediately the rest of the people just went back to their meal like this was an every day occurance. Maybe it was, but Kakashi hoped not. All he had wanted was to eat his food in peace with some of his friends. "Where's that Uchiha fucker?!"  
  
"Hidan, please be more specific. We work with a lot of Uchiha's."  
  
The original, obnoxious voice started again, his voice rising higher due to irritation. Even though he wanted to eat in peace, Kakashi was perfectly content to listen to see where this was going. This flimsy wall might pass for some easy amusement.  
  
At least, that's what he had thought before the guy that they were eavesdropping on stepped through the door, his albino features standing out against the black uniform. And he was still talking, though Kakashi had to turn his head quickly so that he didn't stare. He could still hear him though, and his friends also seemed strangely in-tuned to the conversation.  
  
Ah, yes. This is why he was friends with them. They loved invading other peoples lives just like he did. This was what friendship was all about.  
  
"Yeah, I fucking know. It's like a goddamned Uchiha apocalypse."  
  
"Is that really a bad thing though, when they're so attractive?" A softer voice asked through the door. It was clearly a male speaking, much more masculine sounding than the silver haired waiter standing right beside Asuma's chair, but softer at the same time. Most likely because this man wasn't swearing or practically yelling.  
  
"I mean that Obito fucker!" The silver haired man - didn't Kakashi hear someone call him Hidan? - snapped, his hands flying up into the air as he spoke. Something told Kakashi that he had a flare for dramatics and, judging by the lack of concerned looks in the building, this seemed normal.  
  
"Maybe we should call Konan over." Asuma whispered, leaning closer to the grey eyed man. "This guy seems to be getting a little carried away. I'm sure she'll put him in his place." Kakashi knew that his friend was waiting for an agreement in some form, but he was busy focusing on what the obnoxious waiter(judging by the apron slung across his torso) had just said.  
  
"He's never fucking here on time." Kakashi couldn't help but turn his head, watching as Hidan spun around to point at an orange haired man behind the bar. "You mark my words, as soon as he gets here I'm going on my goddamn break and it's going to be a fucking hour long. Obito fucking Uchia will cover my tables. Ah!" Apparently catching sight of something through the door, the man smiled a sinister smile. "Speak of the devil! He walked forward, purposefully slamming into a man with dark hair that had just walked through the door, causing him to grunt in surprise. "Have fun, Uchiha, because it's a fucking madhouse."  
  
Then he was gone, leaving three out of the four people at the table sighing in relief, while Kakashi just stared at the waiter that had emerged.  
  
Rarely ever had he seen him wear black, but it fit him in a way. It made his pale skin stand out more and the clothes were more form fitting than what he normally wore.  
  
Huh. So he wasn't a stripper after all.  
  
He was, however, a very, very confused waiter.  
  
"What just happened?" Obito asked the orange haired man who had walked out from behind the counter and placed his hand on the young mans shoulder.  
  
"What just happened is that you pissed Hidan off. Again."  
  
"I didn't-"  
  
"You didn't show up to work on time. Now you'll be taking over Hidan's tables for his hour break." He gave a small smile. Kakashi watched a scowl form on Obito's face, a small frown forming on his own as he realized that he had never seen a negative emotion on Obito's face before.  
  
Then again, he shouldn't care because he was an annoying brat that made him stay over at work because he had to pay him in all ones.  
  
"Those are Hidan's terms, I know it. I can't believe you're going along with them."  
  
"I think it's fair." He gave another smile. "However, I'll be calling Kakuzu and he'll deal with Hidan. I think you get the better end of the deal, so get to work."  
  
"Thanks a lot, you giant pain in my ass."  
  
"Start with them." Was he the bartender? The boss? He seemed to be running things. Kakashi, despite being more of a dog person, took after cats when it came to being curious. Damn his curiousities. "I'm pretty sure that Hidan spent the time complaining about you than taking care of them."  
  
"Thanks." Obito muttered again as the orange haired man left again, leaving the Uchiha to turn his eyes to Kakashi's table. When their eyes met, Kakashi forced a smile onto his face - he was sure that it turned out more sheepish than expected. He opened his mouth to say something in greeting, because, even if he didn't like him too much, he did seem the man on a bi-weekly basis, at least, and it was always good to be nice. Especially to attractive people. Even when said attractive people are annoying brats and crazy.  
  
"Food?" He inwardly winced, because that is in no way a greeting. Not in any known country. Damn, his stomach was thinking for him and that was not good at all.  
  
"Sorry." Obito smiled, his confusion seeming to melt away as soon as it appeared. "I'm Obito and I'll be your waiter today. Sorry for the long wait. What can I get for you today? I'm sure you've had more than enough time to figure out what you want."  
  
As he and his friends gave the young man their choices, Kakashi's mind drifted. Not towards food, which was good and would probably save him from anything more embarrassing, but to the fact that he had just assumed things about Obito before and didn't actually know.  
  
Like how he had just assumed he was a stripper(false assumption) and how he just assumed that he was some poor weirdo that followed Rin around because he had nothing better to do until he got on stage(yet again, also a false assumption).  
  
"Thank you." Obito said as he finished writing the orders with a flourish, "I'll try and get those out to you as soon as I possibly can. I'll do whatever I can to make this visit a great one for you." He beamed at the four of them, his left eye closing as he smiled.  
  
Then it vanished and he looked so serious as he stared down at Kakashi that the silver haired man forgot that he was supposed to be the cool and confident one at the table.  
  
"I do hope that this sets you straight, Kakashi." The Uchiha said seriously, his dark eyes boring into Kakashi. "I am but a simple waiter. In no way, shape or form am I a stripper."  
  
Somehow through some strange magic, Obito had managed to say this with a completely straight face right when all the conversation seemed to stop in their area. Not only could Kakashi feel the eyes of his friends on him as he tried to sink farther into his chair, but he caught the look of Konan, who had just been walking towards the kitchen.  
  
She stopped short, took in the scene in front of her as the words registered in her brain. Her eyes landed on Kakashi and narrowed. Then she smiled sweetly.  
  
"You thought Obito was a stripper?" Then she laughed, her voice echoing through the room. "Just wait until Madara hears that, right, Obito?"  
  
Without another word, Obito just turned around and disappeared into the kitchen only to reappear and deliver their drinks without anything said that time either. After he left for the second time, Kakashi was bombarded by his friends, who didn't hesitate to laugh at him.  
  
"He's so different than what you made it sound like. You made it sound like he even looked like a stripper."  
  
It was in his best interest to stay silent and not make a sound. Like sharks, his friends could sense when he was in distress. Hopefully they wouldn't kill him.  
  
"Maybe you thought he was a stripper because you'd like him to strip for you, aye, Kakashi?"  
  
If he could get up and walk out, he would. But he had already ordered his food and he was hungry.  
  
"Look at that! Our Kakashi is blushing! Maybe we have been working the wrong angle for him this whole time."  
  
He was really hungry. The food better be worth this embarrassment. Why did he have to be friends with these people? Why did they drag him to this restaurant of all places? He would have been perfectly content believing that Obito was a stripper, and now he had been proven wrong and it was probably never going to be let go.  
  
And with how that orange haired guy behind the bar was eyeing him, he was pretty sure that he was now seen as a pervert to the waitstaff.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, it has been ages since I've actually written a Naruto fanfiction. Most of my works in this fandom happen to be on fanfiction.net under the same name that I use on here. Recently I got addicted to Naruto again and, during some of my recent boredom at work, started part of this. I finished the rest of the thing today, which rarely ever happens anymore. I'm excited that I was able to do this, and am hoping that this is a promising start when it comes to all my other fics that I have started that have yet to be finished.  
>   
> On an off note, I think this is the farthest thing from my best work. Like I said, it's been a few years since I've worked with these characters and even then I never worked with Kakashi; everything was always out of the perspective of the Akatsuki members. This was a new experience and I'm sure I fucked up somewhere along the line, but it'll be a learning experience because I'm sure that Kakashi and I will become good friends.  
>   
> I also would like everyone to keep in mind that I don't own any of these characters! The only thing that I can lay claim to is the idea for the story, which came to me when some guy did pay for his groceries in all ones.  
> Also, I do apologize for any errors. I'm not the best with proofreading before I post and I'm super tired right now. I fixed what jumped out at me, but I promise I fix anymore errors that I notice within the next few days! Thanks for reading!


End file.
